Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Climbing the Dune

Dungeness Ruins    Cumberland Island, Georgia 2005

Psalms 56:3 NIV
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you."

In July 2005, my daughter, Allison, and I accompanied my brother, Rob, his wife, Jeannie, and their two daughters to Cumberland Island, Georgia. The remote national park is limited to 300 visitors a day.  A ferry transports passengers to and from the island.

The trail from Dungeness meanders over a glistening white sand dune held in place by vegetation such as palmettos, saw grass, live oaks, bulrushes and reeds. Through the years, the incline over the dune has eased its pitch, but when I first climbed it in the 1990s, it was difficult to surmount.

The other side of the dune reveals the pristine beach of the Atlantic Ocean. As three hundred people spread out over the vast expanse of Sea Camp beach, I feel like I own this vista.

However, I can't relax around the water. My brother’s family and Allison are racing into the ocean, but I hold back in fear. I’m terrified.

It’s been seven months since the December 2004 tsunami in Thailand where 150,000 people were killed, and not quite three months since my family was involved in a near-fatal car accident.

I watch the girls rolling and bouncing in the waves. I silently scream, No! Come back! Stay here with me where you won’t be swept away.  Don't you want to make sand castles instead?

My fears are irrational. Since the wreck, I’ve suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I've talked to two psychologists and my doctor. Nothing helps. I’ll rely on my family, friends, and faith to see this through.

I watch everyone else enjoy the ocean, reach into the cooler, pull out a cold bottle of water, take a drink, and breathe deeply.

We head north toward Sea Camp Dock to catch the ferry home. I walk on the edge of the water. It’s cold. Waves crash over my ankles; I feel the tide pull as it rushes back to sea. I gulp air. Only God notices my victory.
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Dear Lord, thank you for helping me wade through my fears.


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