My Beautiful Children and Me
“Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise— that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
I rounded the hallway corner and stepped into my livingroom only to stop short to absorb the scene. A dozen of my dearest friends and family members were seated in a horseshoe on various chairs gathered from around the house. Others sat on the sofa. All were somber and silent and glanced up as I came into the room.
I felt the need to lighten the mood so began to quip: "What's wrong with everyone? You look like someone died!" I swallowed the words. Russell had just died. Oops! How had I repressed that? Guess I was in denial.
I still am at times.
Mother's Day is tomorrow, and I am fighting various emotions ranging from anger to sorrow. Russell has intruded into my dreams this weekend, and all of them make me sad when I awake.
However, this is a weekend to pay tribute to our mothers, and I am blessed to have had a good one, who is always there when I need her. I love her very much.
Allison is a wonderful daughter to me, and she continues to hover over me keeping a close eye on me. She and I have grown closer since January as we have leaned on each other to get through our grief.
I am proud to be her mother. I am proud to have been Russell's mother. However, I have learned this year that sometimes mothers have to let go of a child even when they don't want to. I still have within me the need to protect Russell. That is the theme of each sad dream. However, it is too late for me to help him. I can, however, still look after my little Allison. Just like my mom tries to look after me.
Motherhood is not a job for the faint-hearted. It is a job for all time. It never ends, even with death.
Dear Lord, bless all mothers and their children each and every day.
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